


Call Me An Old Romantic

by vials



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), London Spy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Twins, Crossover, Gen, gratuitous mention of James
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 06:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11526357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vials/pseuds/vials
Summary: James has run off again, Q has a few too many drinks, Danny is on hand with the romantic advice, and both Holt twins enjoy psychoanalysing people to within an inch of their lives.





	Call Me An Old Romantic

“Uh-oh,” Danny said, a sympathetic smile crossing his features as his twin opened the door in all his bedraggled glory.

“Yes, yes,” Q muttered, waving him in. He closed the door as Danny stepped into the hallway, hearing Danny’s rucksack clinking as he moved. “How much alcohol do you even have in there? It sounds like you’ve got an entire shop full.”

“Give or take a bit,” Danny said, shrugging. His bag clinked again as he did so. “Some of it is a bit mix and match, sorry about that. I raided my alcohol supply before I came over. But I got a few things from the off license on the corner, too, so if you prefer to be a bit posh we can do that. Come on, let’s go straight to the kitchen. I think you could use a drink. Several, in fact.”

Danny had the uncanny ability to belong in any situation he found himself in and it had always been that way; Q was totally unsurprised to find himself following Danny in his own flat. Oddly there had been no sign of the cats yet, but any hurt feelings Danny might have been harbouring vanished when he saw that the two of them were engaged in eating their dinner.

“You forget to feed yourself but you can set your watch by that pair’s meal times,” Danny commented, gently placing his bag on the counter with a _thunk_. He unzipped it and began bringing out stacks of bottles, all of various sizes and content levels. 

“Well, they shouldn’t suffer just because I’m bad at the whole adult thing,” Q said, shrugging. “Christ, Danny, is that stuff even _legal_ in this country?”

“Not this strong,” Danny grinned, patting the bottle fondly. “I got a friend to bring it over from Spain. It’s pretty good.”

“Lord,” Q said, shaking his head. “I really shouldn’t kick the arse out of it.”

“Don’t tell me you’re going into work on your day off.”

“Well, I don’t plan on it.”

“Good.”

“But if something comes up –”

“You’ll tell them you were drinking all night and there’s no possible way you can be trusted with… whatever it is you do. Don’t ask me, I can barely work a mobile phone.”

“System security,” Q said, eyeing the bottles. “Software developing, system protection, stopping all the computers frying.” It wasn’t exactly a lie.

“Even that’s way too much for me,” Danny said, snorting. “Anyway, what do you want first?”

Half an hour later and they had given up on being respectable and going to the kitchen each time for their drinks. They sat on the floor, crammed between Q’s sofa (which the cats had claimed) and the coffee table, the surface of which was covered in bottles and various soft drinks for mixing with. Q had never had a very good alcohol tolerance so he was feeling a little tipsy only two drinks in; his twin, being the more experienced one, was a drink ahead and definitely more sober. 

“So,” Danny eventually said, evidently deciding that Q was tipsy enough for the subject to be breached. “Is this about The Guy?” 

“He needs a better nickname,” Q mumbled. “Something more fitting. The Arse, perhaps. The Twat. The Absolute Wanker.”

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Danny said, amused. “What did he do _this_ time?”

Q paused for a moment, frowning. He wasn’t entirely sure how to word it, because after all, he and Bond had never been together, and there had never been any expectation that they would do anything normal like _date_. It was just a bit of flirting here, the occasional hook-up there. Even Q hadn’t thought it meant anything and had been content to have a bit of fun with it, but he had been a complete idiot. He had always liked Bond, always fancied him a little. He had told himself that something was better than nothing, but really it had just highlighted exactly what it was that he was missing. 

“It’s just more of the same,” he eventually said, sighing. “He gives me all these bloody signals and then he’s off shagging everyone else he can get his hands on. At first I wondered if he was just playing hard to get and then I wondered if he’s just one of those people incapable of not flirting with anything that moves, but the more I think about it the more I wonder if he doesn’t know exactly what he’s doing and it’s just all one big bloody ego boost. Which wouldn’t surprise me, because he’s the most arrogant, up himself, egotistical _arsehole_ I’ve ever met in my life.”

Danny whistled. “He sounds like a real catch.” He poured them both another drink, watching as Q took a large gulp and winced, unused to the burning of the vodka. “So, if he’s this much of an arse, what do you see in him?”

“I don’t know!” Q practically moaned. “He’s funny, and he’s smart, and he’s one of the only people in that place who treats me like an actual person, believe it or not. If people aren’t scared of me they’re being condescending. At least when he makes school jokes I can tell there isn’t any malice in it. He’s also like, obscenely attractive.” Q paused, taking another gulp of his drink before he could bring himself to say it. If Bond was capable of hearing him, he would never hear the end of it. “And while I’d never say it and let it go to his head, he’s brilliant in bed.”

Danny’s eyebrows shot up and they exchanged a knowing glance. “Well. That does complicate things.”

Q snorted, and Danny grinned, pleased to at least get some kind of positive reaction out of his brother. He looked positively dishevelled, sitting there with his hair a mess and his eyes slightly puffy behind his glasses. 

“I’m being an idiot, I know. Especially after what he’s gone and done now, which complicates things even further, but what did I expect?”

“There’s something else?” Danny asked, and looking at the sad smile Q gave him he was about ready to find this ‘James’ and kick his arse.

“It’s nothing special because he’s always doing this, but he’s run off with some girl he met and he’s insisting he’ll never come back,” Q said, rolling his eyes. Despite the heaviness in the pit of his stomach he still wasn’t entirely sure that Bond meant it. Eve had told him that Bond vanished at least once a year, only to come back when he was bored, and judging by the man’s records in the MI6 database she was right – Q had never seen so many resignation letters in one place before.

“He quit?” Danny asked, frowning. “That’s rude of him.”

“For now,” Q said, sighing. “So I don’t even get to see him around the building at the moment. Like, I’m sure he’ll be back, because this really isn’t unusual, but it still sucks.”

“He runs off with people often?” Danny asked, raising an eyebrow, and Q nodded miserably. “But never with you.”

Q looked at him as though the realisation had only just dawned on him. Quickly, he stuttered out his excuses.

“Well, I’m sure it’s not like _that,_ I’m sure it’s because I’m always working and you _know_ how difficult it is for me to take time off and actually enjoy it, you know? I’m a workaholic, you know that, and maybe he doesn’t think it’s worth the stress because I _would_ stress and –”

“Has he ever taken any men away with him?” Danny interrupted, feeling his face flush slightly with anger. 

“It’s not like that,” Q said again, even more hurriedly. “Danny, honestly. Trust me. He makes no secret about the fact he sleeps with men.”

“There’s a difference between _sleeping_ with a man and being in a relationship with him,” Danny said simply. “Maybe you’re just a bit of fun and the girls are worth seriously investing in. I’m not saying it to be mean, I’m just saying some guys are like that. The whole same sex doesn’t count narrative – how they’d be fine with their girlfriends snogging other girls, but not another man. It’s just weird, if he’s always running off with girls but never boys. I’ve seen the type before.”

“No,” Q said, shaking his head. “He’s an arsehole but I don’t think he’s that bad. I think it’s just… he’s more traditional, you know? You woo women by whisking them off on adventures and dates. You woo men in subtler ways. Making sure he doesn’t starve, or little trinkets or useful things you’d think he would like, or friendly banter, or something less _obvious_.”

“And does he do that for you?” Danny asked, giving a small smile.

“Yes,” Q said, groaning, before he downed the rest of his drink. “So maybe his problem is he’s an indecisive bastard.”

“Sounds like he’s scared of commitment to me,” Danny said, shrugging. “Trust me. I know the type when I see them. They mean well but… wow, are they shit at relationships. He’s probably got like, emotional baggage or something. Makes him sacred to commit to anything for too long so he just like. Makes sure his options are all open.”

Q privately counted off the many pieces of baggage that James Bond was likely carrying around with him and quickly ran out of imagined fingers to count them off on. Not to mention those were just the ones he knew about.

“So maybe I can try and reassure him a bit?” he asked, as Danny topped up his drink. “I mean, I don’t want us to like, start _dating_ or anything – not that I’d mind, but you understand this isn’t like, a ploy, or anything like that – but I do kind of want him to maybe spend a bit more time with me? Stop running off so much? He can’t be trusted out there, honestly. He gets into so much bloody trouble, you wouldn’t believe. Maybe if he knew I wasn’t expecting too much or maybe if I like, tried to show him things will be different…”

“Don’t change for him,” Danny said, seriously, firmly. “He’s not worth it.”

“But –”

“And I don’t mean that in a dismissive, I think he’s an arse way, even though I _do_ think he’s a bit of an arse. I mean it in the way that I can _tell_ you have proper feelings for him, and it’s not just about the fact he’s a good shag. You care about him and you want to make things work, whatever that might mean for the two of you. But listen to me – nobody is worth changing yourself for. You _can’t_ change yourself, not so completely that you become the idealised version of what somebody wants. If you do that they don’t love you. If you change because you think that’s what they want they can’t love you; you won’t allow them to, because you’re always changing. Never do it. No matter how hot a guy is, trust me. You can’t do it, you shouldn’t do it, and even if you get close the cracks will soon show and everything will fall down around you.”

Q nodded, giving a small, shuddering sigh. He blinked rapidly, his eyelashes damp, but found himself unsurprised at his twin’s words. He was right, after all, and that was what was most upsetting. The helplessness. 

“Call me an old romantic,” Danny said, reaching over and tapping his brother under the chin so he looked at him, “but things have a way of working out if they’re meant to be. You can’t control it, you can’t rush it. You just have to keep faith and stay the course. You’ll get there, eventually, if you’re supposed to.”

Q nodded again. “Yeah. You’re right. Can’t…” He sniffed. “Can’t rush these things.”

“If he knows what’s good for him,” Danny said, smiling. “He’ll soon start thinking about home and his regular old job and the cute IT guy who’s always got a moment for him. These guys, the ones that can’t do commitment… most of them are twats, trust me on that, but some of them – the rare few – they respond to reliability. They might think they want adventures all the time, but whenever they’re away, all they can think about is that one constant in their life. If you’re that for him, you won’t go far wrong.”

Q managed a smile then; a genuine one. “I think I am.”

“Well then. Dry your eyes and finish your drink. We’ll have a night so great he’ll wish he was here when you tell him all about it.”


End file.
